Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Total Football

Yes, I know. It's kind of dried up, this blog. Though the bowel openings haven't. I'm a little concerned about that as tomorrow I have a long haul flight to Australia, where I'll be in a version of Total Football in Melbourne Fringe. The last time I flew back from that part of the world I had to leave my seat and charge towards the toilet during landing. This time I have prepared a cocktail of Co-codamol and Solpadeine which I hope will knock me out and constipate me at the same time. And that is all I have to say for the time being. No one is reading this anyway, apart from Chris Goode. And he was only drawn to it because I mentioned him. Is that the way to get read? Mention people? All right. Gordon Brown, George Osborne, Lewis Hamilton. Who else has been in the news? Wayne Rooney (actually I've mentioned him before and he never got in touch). The TUC.


  1. What a nice arrangement we've come up with, Mr Haynes. You Pavlov, me dog.

    Funnily enough -- actually, neither funnily nor enough -- I was at the Barbican earlier today and managed to pick up a copy of the script of Tough Time, Nice Time for three quid. Started reading it on the train. It's brilliant. It's easily worth a fiver. Let me know when you're back and I'll send you two pounds in an envelope, grandmotherishly.

    Well. Best of British with the long-haul poo gauntlet.

    Melbourne reminds me: am I really Blogger 1 in Goodbye Princess? Or is that just another naughty rumour?

    bon voyage, Cx

  2. Hello Chris
    Nice to see you here again.
    Goodbye Princess is about Mohamed Al Fayed recruiting a bunch of desperate theatre types to mount a production about the last days of Diana. The play goes into meta-theatrical meltdown and there's a scene where critics and audience members enter into a lively debate about the show they're watching. Blogger 1 is described as a large American sitting in the stalls with a laptop. He has about two lines. When we read the piece at last year's Melbourne Fringe with fifty volunteer readers (there's a cast of fifty-five) the girl cast as Blogger 1 was keen to do some research for her two line role so we told her it was based on various theatre bloggers. I believe she then contacted you. As to whether she also contacted Andrew Haydon, Mark Shenton, Matt Trueman et al I don't know, but I suspect she did. Having said all that, we could now with your permission make the character entirely you and if the play ever gets produced you could even play yourself.
    I am very pleased you're enjoying TTNT.
    I think it's better if I don't know what the other naughty rumours are.
    All the best

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